Drastic Manscape Action Needed

I need a beard manscaping makeover or something. Maybe whack things down to a neat goatee and razor-sharp tightly angled sideburns. It's all the rage with Yung'uns these days. Getting the sideburns right is tough. I can 'rough 'em in' but it always helps to have somebody FIX them afterwards and get all the details right. But getting that goatee shaped properly is tough - and here's a solution:

The Goatee Saver!


For $20 it might help me keep a goatee trimmed 'Just-So' without all the sloppy careless free-hand shaving antics I find so difficult. All I know is now that summer is past - and my face isn't all tanned - it's finally SAFE to shave off my full beard and NOT have pale flesh that hasn't seen the light of day in half a year lurking underneath.

Trust me guys, you'll give new meaning to the word 'Pale-Face' if you whack off a thick beard in Mid-July. But it's November, I hereby officially declare it to be GO-GOATEE month.